Happy Tree Friends Chronicles: Tales of Madness
by Raging Pink Lady
Summary: Original title: Tales of Madness and Randomness, but whatever... New people have arrived at the Happy Tree Forest, and some are not about to make it the happiest place... Rating may change!
1. New inhabitants, new game

Oh hello everyone

Oh hello everyone!! It's me, Kurumi!! I'm going to announce here, on my stool, in front of everyone, that this story is going to try to avoid the gore in the Happy Tree Friends everyday life. Ok?? Thank you. I don't own this series or its theme song (but it's great)!!

I do own some characters. They are:

Nutzy the weasel

Ninon the fox

Motor-oil the… I really don't know what he is

Jetlag the wolf

Nipty and Skipty the raccoons

Serial the Thing

Ninja the ninja (duh)

Samurai the samurai (double duh)

Those are my OCs for now.

Thank you.

CHAPTER 1

New inhabitants, new game

What would you say if you were stuck in a bunch of tar? "Help", of course. Unless you couldn't.

Well, all I'll say is that Petunia could not say "help". Her mouth was stuffed with tar.

'Gross!!' she thought 'If I get home I'm gonna ask mom to give me some of her rose-oil…'

Will Petunia escape the tar pit? Read, and find out…

It was all pitch-black. Tar couldn't be another color. It was quite agitating, since you think you're just lost in the abyss of darkness. It sucks.

Petunia heard the noise of a vehicle. 'My salvation!! The driver will see me (hopefully) and pull me out!!'

Too bad. Petunia was just run over by this mystery driver.

'Ouch…'

-Did you hear anything, M-cycle?- supposedly the nickname of the motorcycle- I heard something like a… crunch. That's weird. Oh, isn't that a nice little town?? Why don't we crash there for a while?

M-cycle honked in approval. 

-Theeeere we go!! YEE-HAAA!! 

Some time later, Petunia was in her rose-oil bath. Don't ask me how they do that. (What?) Be crunched to death and arrive better than ever to dinner.

-Darn driver! Aaah… This is what I call… What do I call it? Nourishing…

So the driver walked around the town-forest and stopped to look at some awesome helmets. 

-Oh, pretty… But I think I'll just stick to mine- he patted his army-pilot helmet- Anyway, M-cycle, I'm gonna walk around, OK? You wait for me here!!

So this 'person' ran down the street, looking for a candy store. He bumped into someone and they both collided. How sad.

-Hey you, crazy-running maniac, watch where you're going!!

-Oops, sorry!! Hey, I'm new here, can you guide me around??- he asked kindly.

-Nope, sorry kid. I'm new here too. Funny how we all end up here, huh? 

-Oh. Yeah, I just saw it and decided to stay. My name's Motor-oil, nice to meet you!!

-Hi!! I'm Ninon, but please call me Jeopardy. What's your occupation?? I'm a DJ!

-Cool!! I'm a… A motorcycle driver… Does that count??

-I guess… Why don't we go to the Town Hall and introduce ourselves to the people of…-read sign- "Happy-Tree-Forest"?

-OK, let me warn my…. MOTORCYCLE!! OH, NO, WHERE IS SHE?? WHAT IF SHE'S LOST?? MY BABY!!- Motor-oil ran off.

-OK… I'll just wait here then…-Ninon said, astonished.

Just when Motor-oil crashed into Ninon, Lifty and Shifty had spotted his shiny red motorcycle and decided to steal it. Motor-oil ran like mad, and saw them carrying his "baby" away. M-cycle honked in despair. The twins laughed.

-Give her back!!-he had nothing to do but scream. 

But then M-cycle started spinning her wheels like never before, and ripped Lifty and Shifty's arms right off. She was free! The twins screamed and ran away (of course, in the next scene their arms are back in the right place).

-Awww, are you OK?- he planted a kiss on her- I know, I know, it was scary, but you're with me now!!

He met back with Ninon and took her for a ride to the town hall. 

Afterwards, Toothy walked through the forest holding his eye in pain.

-Argh, damn bee!! This stings!!

In the shade of the forest, some bushes away, two crazy eyes gleamed and spun.

Toothy kept twirling around with his hand on his eye, and just then a tree dropped on him. A high-pitched psycho giggle was heard. And then, silence.

Cuddles ran to the place where he had seen the tree fall.

-Toothy, buddy, are you all right?

-Well…

Cuddles was about to help him out, but before he knew it, he was under a tree as well. Psycho giggle again.

_Twooooooooooo can be as bad as one._

A while later, Toothy and Cuddles were telling everybody about the tree-falling crisis they were living, saying stuff like "the big huge strong tree killer', and just when they were about to reach a conclusion, the trees around them started dropping. Everyone screamed and ran frantically, and the psycho giggles were heard louder than ever.

Two pink female raccoons had arrived as well, and stared surprised at what was happening around them.

-Sis, do you think this is part of a movie?

-I dunno…

Nutty laughed, but he was scared out of his wits.

Then, Handy cried:

-Who are you and what do you want!?

He had an immediate response:

-I'M NUTZY, AND I'VE COME TO CREATE ABSOLUTE HAVOC!!

The lunatic tree-cutter revealed its true form: a quite adorable weasel girl. She had grayish-brown fur, orange, yellow and blue eyes, spiky hair, black clothes, two pigtails and a dog collar. She was carrying an ax.

-Hee hee ha ha! Her name's like mine!!- Nutty laughed.

Giggles retorted:

-Is that all you can think about in a moment like this??

Nutty nodded. Sigh.

-That's the big huge strong tree killer you two were talking about!?- Giggles asked in astonishment.

-Well, you saw what she can do!!- Toothy spat at her.

-ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT!! TIME FOR A LITTLE FUN!!- Nutzy raised her ax and was about to cut down a huge tree (which Cub was under) when she felt her arms being held back with extreme force (with the strength of two horses).

-I got her!!-Flippy announced.

Everybody cheered.

-Let me go! Let me go!! Axie!! Poor little Axie, all miserable on the floor!!-her ax- LET-ME-GO!!

-No way, sister!! You've done enough for today!!

She turned her head around and looked at him. He blushed. 'Wow, isn't she pretty…'

Well, that's what he thinks. And she is quite cute.

They stayed in silence staring at each other.

-Oh, look, sis, isn't it cute?- one of the pink raccoons asked.

-Hmm… Hm? Hmm…

-Nipty, what happened?

-Hmm? Oh, nothing!- she had been staring at Lifty.

They tied Nutzy up and interrogated her. Some other weasels appeared and explained her story.

-You see, she's crazy. But it's not her fault, it's ours. We trained her to know how to do everything. We're sorry if she caused you trouble. Now Nutzy, you have to be good, OK?- a female weasel in a pink dress told her.

-OK, mom…

They untied her and gave her some lemonade. She added vinegar to it, and drank it. 

-Eww… hahaha!!

Everybody laughed and started considering being friends with her. It was better to have someone like her as your friend, because she seemed the type to be a very non-desirable enemy…

Flippy offered to show her around, smiling a watermelon smile (I love that expression). 

-Fine, why not?? 

She hooked her ax to her dog collar and walked off. But first she got close to Cub and gave him candies. He smiled.

-Aww, sweet, she likes babies!- Ninon exclaimed.

Nutty glared at Cub with envy. It was going to be the start of a bunch of crazy adventures.

Next door, at the Hattori Village, a ninja called Ninja and a samurai called Samurai (how strange) were having a fight. To be sincere, it was their fifth fight that day. A smoke bomb exploded and a horrible smell filled the air.

-Eww, Ninja, was that you??- Samurai taunted her.

-Yes, it was! I mean NO!! It was my bomb, of course!!- she blushed, enraged.

The curtain was lifted and the moon appeared. Our dear friends were all at their houses, sleeping peacefully in their beds. All, except for one person.

-WHY THE HELL DID THERE HAVE TO BE A BEE HIVE STUCK TO MY WINDOW!!

THE END, TILL NEXT TIME!!

I know, random. I have a totally different style of writing when I write HTF stories. Jetlag wasn't in this chapter, but he'll be in the next. Luckily, Serial wasn't in this one either. (Excuse me if there are any typing mistakes, it was a bit rushed)

Kurumi


	2. Oozin' and Snoozin'

Next chapter

Next chapter! It's dedicated to Michiko Odagiri, my friend. I will try to follow Aki Hinata, my recent reviewer's advice (hello Aki, I don't know if I should hate you or thank you. I'm a good girl so I'll thank you).

This is gonna be a short chapter.

Michiko: Hello, Kurumi...

Kurumi: Oh, hi, Michiko! What are you doing here ?

Michiko: Everybody says I'm shy, and I'm not... I want to prove it!! I want to be in your story!!

Kurumi: Um... Michiko, you're not from Happy Tree Friends... You're from school.

Michiko: Oh, bummer... You don't own Happy Tree Friends, do you?

Kurumi: Ugh! No!!

Michiko: Didn't think so...

CHAPTER 2

Oozin' and Snoozin'

At Ninon's new house there was a reunion. Cuddles, Giggles, Nutty, Toothy, Flaky, Petunia, Motor-oil and Nutzy were there. They were the ones Ninon trusted most. But who knows why she would trust Nutzy. Oh, who's this? There are two other girls here, too... They are two female raccoons, and they were in the last chapter. They are also new here. Their names are Nipty and Skipty.

Motor-oil was in the kitchen, baking. Ninon had told him to make something special. Big mistake.

-OK, I've got it!- he announced, placing a huge cake on the table.

Everyone clapped. Since it was hot, they decided to wait. Instead...

-Ha ha! Last one out gets most wet!!- Ninon taunted.

-Most wet??-they all asked.

When they went outside, the sprinklers turned on, soaking them. Nutzy started going all crazy, saying "Raar, raar!!" and chasing them around (on occasion tackling them), and in one of those left a bruise on Flaky's forehead. Poor thing, she really didn't want to play.

Inside Ninon's house, on the table, the cake started bubbling. Then, from the top, a green slimy substance started emerging, and trickling down the table.

In Ninon's garden, the gate squeaked. Somebody had entered. They all froze. A blue wolf was standing before them. He wasn't very big, but he was a wolf.

The wolf, seeing how they stared at him, he yelled at them:

-What!? I'm a vegetarian!!

They all stared. Giggles started laughing (or should I say, giggling?) and the wolf stomped his foot.

-It's true!! I hate... Zzzz- everyone stood still in amazement. He had fallen asleep. He seemed new, too. On his suitcase it spelled 'Jetlag'. That was his name.

-Fits him perfectly- Cuddles admitted.

They stayed in silence for a while. Jetlag darted up, scaring them all.

-OK, I'm Jetlag! I'm sixteen, despite my short size!! Don't mess with me or... Zzzzzzz...- as he snoozed off again, they sighed.

Inside, Ninon's kitchen floor was flooded with green goo.

They walked inside with Jetlag on a blanket, pulling him along. Petunia stepped on the goo, and cried out:

-Ew, what the heck is this!?

-Hey, it's coming from the cake!- Toothy pointed out. Nutzy cackled. Nutty (yes, Nutty), stuck his tongue out and said:

-No matter how much sugar it has I won't eat it!!

-Go you!- Nipty said. Her sister was standing on a chair, grossed out.

The cake got bigger and bigger.

-What's going on?? Nobody can get any sleep with all this racket!!-Jetlag hollered. He did that often.

The cake inflated tremendously, and by the time they were reaching the door, it exploded. They all flew out the door, covered in slime.

-You're paying for the damages!!- Ninon scolded Motor-oil, whacking him on the head.

Flaky asked nervously:

-Wh- what d-did you put in it?

Motor-oil answered:

- A green substance with a dead rat on it- rat poison- a blue substance with bubbles on it- detergent- and a third substance that looked like sugar!- which was actually yeast.

- You nimrod, you could have killed us!!- Ninon yelled at him.

- Can you give me the recipe??- Nutzy asked eagerly.

Then, gunshots were heard. Nipty and Skipty hugged themselves and screamed. Everyone else started running around.

-You guys, chill! It might not be coming from here!- Giggles tried to keep them calm.

But then she found a bullet at her feet, and froze. A shadow took away the rays of sun hitting her face. She looked up. A blonde thing with horns and a machine gun was pointing at her. She did not dare move.

Then, when everybody thought that all was lost, somebody fired at the blonde thing, hitting its face. They saw its eye. It seemed like a girl.

-Wait a second, that's Serial!! Back at our home, everyone was afraid of her... I wonder why she's here...- Nipty confessed quietly.

But doesn't anyone care to know who shot back!? Why, Evil Flippy of course!

Now, they were even more scared. But to everyone's surprise, Flippy just yelled:

-Get down, fools!!

Serial was firing again. Flippy fired back. Ninon was sweating.

-I thank Flippy for saving us, since it's not normal that he does... And I'm glad Serial is losing... But why did they have to turn MY garden into a battle field!! AAARGH!!

She ran at Serial, jumped upon her, and cracked her head open. They took her to jail. Outside, they thanked Flippy, who was back to normal.

-Thanks dude, that was a close one- Cuddles shook his hand.

-No problem! Anytime!!- Flippy answered.

-For real!?

They all walked to Ninon's to keep playing, and in Flippy's case, to pick up the bullets left (is that a good idea?)

At the end of the day, Ninon said goodbye to her friends. She ran up to her room, panting, and opened the door. She was about to flop onto her bed, but it was impossible. Jetlag was snoring in it.

END OF CHAPTER 2

I know it was short, Michiko!! But I hope you liked it!


End file.
